So hypothetically speaking... of course.
This one goes out to all the sexy stache's out there. Please donate at www.m4kboston.org
You go to a bar, like you do, cause that's what you do. You are on the lookout for some sexy lady; a few beers later you find her. You guys totally hit it off. She's sexy, intelligent, you are really enjoying her company.
You guys hit it off so well, you go back to her place.... and you do it. The sex, it happens.
Post amazing sex, you have to head home. Next day, you can't wait to see her. You clearly have the beginnings of a promising relationship, and it's only been 24 hrs.
You guys meet up again and everything is going fantastic as expected, but with one caveat. You find when you go in for a kiss, she's a bit heavy on the peach fuzz. So much so that its slightly beyond the "fuzz" state. You CANNOT feel it when you kiss and you CANNOT see it unless you're within 8 inches of her face.
So here's the shtick. She is perfect in every way, except for her feminine cookie duster. How long do you wait to tell her? Do you even tell her? Does it matter to you? If you do tell her, do you request a full shave, or do you simply mention to her that you recognize its existence? What do you do?!
Simple, have her wax it off. Then go to Olive Garden to protest the wrongful Italian imprisonment of Foxy Knoxy.
after getting to know each other you can lightly suggest the brazilian for her face
ReplyDeleteGirl needs someone to tell her. Its like having food stuck in your teeth or having your fly down: you don't like to find out its been there all this time, but its better to find out late that never. Just be gentle about it.
ReplyDeleteYou can keep your women with the big beautiful titties,
ReplyDeleteI don't need nice legs because I'm not that picky.
A gorgous smile is something I can take or leave,
I don't even want personality,
there's only one thing that I need!
My Baby's Got a Beard.
My Baby's Got a Big Bushy Beard.
My Baby's Got a Beard,
No she don't shave and I wouldn't want it any other way!
Simple.
ReplyDeleteOf course you have the mind-blowing sex again. And of course you perform in such a manner that all she can do is scream as her head tries to bury itself in her lower spine. This display of sexual prowess avoids any contact between you and her caterpillar. Let's be honest. We're men and we have a sensitive upper lip.
Now she may want to cuddle and smooch with your Conan-ass. Ouch. But don't panic. You're tired. You just want to rest. Simply nestle your head between her breasts and drift away. You have earned it. (Pray there isn't a field of curlies within the mountainous valley).
Now the pay off.
Time for breakfast. Suggest some cereal. Perhaps some Frosted Flakes. No? Oh, a healthy girl. Okay. I got some Special K kickin' around here somewhere.
Join her. Lap it up. But then we come to the end of the meal. There is still milk left in your bowls. It's play time!! Take the bowl and drink it up. Invite her to do the same. Wheeeeee!
Mmmmm. All done.
"Whoops. Baby. You've got a cute little mustache above your lip."
She giggles. She wipes. You stare.
"Nope. Still there."
Problem solved.
If she has more testosterone than your average chick, so be it. Be honest, then cough up half for lasik hair removal.
ReplyDeleteShaving will only make that stache thicker.
Demonstrate Value
ReplyDeleteEngage Physically
Nurture Dependence
Neglect Emotionally
Inspire Hope
Shave Her 'Stache
This method might get a little dangerous and takes a while to execute, but it's totally worth it.
ReplyDeleteStep 1: Purchase a black sweatsuit.
Step 2: Sit in on some laser hair removal classes.
Step 3: Once you feel you have picked up enough to operate the necessary machinery, you can stop going.
Step 4: Locate a laser hair removal clinic with a small staff.
Step 5: Purchase rufilin.
Step 6: Discretly slip the rufilin into your ladies drink.
Step 7: Convice her to get laser hair removal on her legs. Maybe tell her your friend owns a place and will give you a large discount. Tell her anything you need to get her to go. Remember she has ingested rufilin and will not remember this conversation.
Step 8: Take her to the clinic from Step 4.
Step 9: On arrival tell her to stay in the car and listen to Coldplay. Go around the corner and change into your black sweatsuit.
Step 10: If you completely Step 4 properly there should only be a secretary in the lobby. Knock her out with brute force.
Step 11: Repeat step 10 on anyone else in the building.
Step 12: Return to the car to fetch your girlfriend. By now she should be passed out from the rufilin and the Coldplay.
Step 13: Use your recently learned hair removal skills to zap her upper lip.
Step 14: On departure, post a note on the door stating that the building was being gassed for bugs today and everyone should evactuate. When people wake up inside they will just think the were gassed.
Step 15: Return home and "celebrate"
I say, give it time. Slowly start to joke about it, then eventually she will understand it affects you. That is, if she is as cool as you say.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't know is shaving the stache is the best thing to do. They say that it comes back "bolder" and I actually think I believe 'em.
One may have to take more evasive action. Waxing works but even then you need to stay on top of that shit. A trip to a laser doc could prolly take care of it for under a grand... worth it... if you're not homeless maybe?